I work out on an Air Force Base. It is open for free to all military personnel and their spouses. In order to get to the cardio room I have to walk through a corridor and then through the weight room. The weight room with all the men who look like greek gods. The men who work out constantly and wear small little workout clothes and know that they are in shape. I am also in a shape- round. It can be very damaging to one’s psyche to have to subject oneself to this kind of sight on a daily basis.
The one thing that keeps me sane is knowing that most of them probably take protein supplements which means they are extremely flatulent. Mega stinky farts.
I keep falling back into the same lousy habits, because they are so much easier than working so hard at putting new good habits in place.
And then words uttered by my grandmother, not out of meanness (or at least I chose to believe not), but because her brain-mouth barrier is suffering, kind of jolted me back out of Lala Land. (Sorry Kat, know you call your daughter Lala, but for me Lala Land is a fairy tale world.)
My granny was over for the weekend and within an hour of her arriving she asked me with the accompanying hand motion, how many months along I was. What the heck???
My double chin should be the giveaway for fat vs. baby.
Now if I had been doing this, then maybe I could understand….
*Bows head in shame.*
I need to start exercising.
I think that a good number of people who struggle with weight loss have an issue with emotional eating.
You know what I mean. Instead of dealing with the real issues and emotions we turn to food for comfort. We eat when we are sad, when we are tired, when we are stressed, when we are nervous, when we are ashamed ……
There really is no end to the emotions that we spurn for the comfort we think food has to offer us.
Like now, worried that I may have said something “wrong” to a friend whose husband has been in the hospital with no end in sight, the first thought that came to mind is I need to find food. Okay, I was also starving because I hadn’t eaten for hours, but that was not what I was thinking as I rummaged for food. My head was saying: “Let me fix this hole I feel inside by covering it in food.” The foot in the mouth was not a satisfying enough meal.
Yeah that’s real smart Susie. Get a grip. Write about your emotions, acknowledge them, deal with them and then and only if you are really hungry go eat.
Fine Susie, stop talking to me, I hear you. See, I wrote this all down. Now can my gurgling stomach eat something? Please????
Is it just me that turns to food instead of dealing with the issues head on?
© mst7022 |Flickr Creative Commons
So I was messing about in the kitchen (aka half assed helping my husband do dishes) and my four year old said it. “Mom, you’re fat.” It wasn’t meant to be mean, just an honest observation of a four year old. So, that seals it. Now I am more motivated than ever to lose the extra weight.
Over the years, I have learned a lot of things. (Like the fact that I am making myself sound like an old fart who is ancient. I am only 40 and I have finally decided that I am okay with my age.)
But I have digressed.
What I wanted to share with everyone is what I have learned about weight loss and liking yourself.
I have been reading loads and loads of blog posts about weight loss. The one thing that has really bothered me is that I have been feeling that so many people are tying up their self esteem and happiness with their weight. They believe that when they are thin, they will be happy.
Now don’t get me wrong. I know that when I am thinner I feel physically better and a bit more confident. What I do know is that the weight loss itself or being thin is not what makes me happy.
If I don’t like myself or my self image when I start a diet, I will not like myself or my self image when I am thin. For a while I may be able to fool myself into thinking so, but the truth always surfaces.
For most of us with weight issues, there is an underlying reason we are heavy. We eat in response to something. We eat in response to things that are missing in our lives. We eat instead of dealing with the issues that are troubling us. We have triggers that send us scurrying and scrounging for food. Some of these triggers may be with us since childhood. They are “friends” we have known for so long and are hard to part with.
Sometimes we eat without thinking about our triggers or realizing they are there. Sometimes we know what are triggers are, but we don’t want to enter the world of hurt and pain and self work to deal with them.
But eating does not make the issues go away. We just bury them in another layer of fat. We hide our issues away instead of confronting them.
I know losing weight and reaching my target will not make me happy. Not by itself. I need to work on my issues and triggers now. I need to know what things make me unhappy and happy now.
Why? So that when I do reach my target weight I will be truly happy. About me and my life.
I know that thinness will not make me happy. Being happy though will make me thin.
© Stiven | Dreamstime.com
FAT AND HAPPY